This Is Letting Go
by White Firebird
Summary: 'You asked why, and I said I don't know why, I just know...'


**Hey everyone. This one-shot is a bit of a departure from what I usually write...I really enjoyed writing this, though. And I hope you enjoy reading it. It's loosely based off the Rise Against song, 'This Is Letting Go'. Enjoy.**

**Don't own anything.**

Freddie Benson watched from afar as everyone slowly shuffled into the church, taking their seats at the many pews inside the massive building. A somber smile was on his lips as he watched Carly, Spencer and Melanie help Mrs. Puckett into her seat, while Gibby and Brad did the same with his own mother. He sighed deeply as he turned away and looked around at the room he was in. Everything in it was depressing...and it served as a reminder why this day was harder than any other day he had faced in his earlier years. Another sigh escaped his lips as he looked up through the stained glass window and saw the overcast skies above, fitting considering what was happening today.

"Uncle Freddie?"

He turned his head and saw his nephew, Andrew, poking his head into the room. Smiling wistfully, he motioned for the young boy to come over and join him as he prepared himself for the hardest day of his life. Freddie glanced at his nephew and realized that he saw so much of himself when he was younger in the boy...the hair, the eyes...to anyone else, you'd think it was his kid, not Carly and Gibby's. Andrew sat down in the chair next to him and looked at his uncle cautiously before speaking to him.

"Are you alright, Uncle Freddie? Dad and Uncle Spencer have been wondering where you've been, and Mom's starting to get a little worried. You want me to tell them you're ok?"

"I'm fine, Andrew. Your mother always did worry about me when your aunt was involved. Today is...no different. Are you going back out there?"

The boy shook his head, staying rooted to the chair he was sitting in. A small grin graced Freddie's lips as he patted his nephew on the shoulder, clearing his throat before he spoke.

"Would you like to hear the story about how I proposed to your aunt? I think you'll like this story more than all the other ones I've told you about me and her."

"Really? That'd be awesome! I especially loved the one where you two ended up jumping out of a plane into Japan and won the iWeb Awards. That must've been so cool to do."

A reminiscent smile appeared as Freddie thought about that time so long ago. He was still surprised that he had managed to pull the cord on his parachute, he was in such a state of shock at that moment in time.

"I was pushed", he said with a chuckle. "And yes, it was a lot of fun to go to Japan. It was one of the best times of my life...I'd do it all over again if I could."

"She pushed you?", the boy asked, getting a nod of the head from Freddie as an answer. He laughed while Freddie ruffled his hair and began to tell him his story.

"Yes, she did. She did a lot of things to me that would have other people looking on in horror or scratching their heads...but it's why she was so endearing to me and everyone else that knew her. She went against the grain...she did what she wanted to do, and didn't let anyone else boss her around. She was independent...and that's what I loved about your aunt so much, Andrew."

He nodded his head before asking, "So how did you end up proposing to her?"

"Ahh yes...do you remember your mother telling you how that, when the three of us hung out all the time, she would eat any and everything without second thought?"

"Yeah...Mom always said that she was like a human vacuum cleaner when it came to food, especially any kind of meat. What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well...we had been dating for five years when I decided to make my move. I didn't want to make it all cliche and stuff...your aunt always hated those things. Roses, candle-lit dinners, romantic atmospheres...she'd of rather ate contaminated meat than have a Disney moment, that's how much she hated that stuff."

"So how did that lead to you proposing to her?"

Freddie lowered his head and thought back to that day. At first, she hadn't remembered and it was just another ordinary day filled with various insults towards him and the consumption of many different types of meat. Oh and of course, her favorite game ever, Boomba. He laughed on the inside at the memory of her finding out what that day really was.

"I remember, she didn't even realize it was our fifth year anniversary. It wasn't until she spoke to your mother that she knew. And even then, she just rolled her eyes and was acting all indifferent towards it. I'm sure your mother told you this too, but your aunt also wasn't big on things like anniversaries. If it didn't involve her gorging on half her body weight in food or getting presents from everyone, she didn't really care. It didn't matter to me though...I was going to make it the happiest day of her life."

"How'd you do that?"

"It wasn't easy, kiddo. I had your mother drag her out around town while me and your uncle fixed up the apartment we lived in for that evening. But of course, this being your aunt...we thought she'd be gone with your mom for the entire day, but naturally, at five in the afternoon, she was banging on the door, demanding to be let in. She had grown restless and had a feeling that I was up to something, hence why she was back so early. So when she finally kicked the door down, our place was only half done and Spencer was sprawled out on the floor, tangled up in some wires and covered in paint and glitter."

He watched as his nephew began to laugh hysterically, no doubt at the imagery in that had now been put into his mind. Freddie surpressed a chuckle as well, the two of them sharing a moment and bonding like never before. Eventually, the laughing subsided and Freddie continued on with his story.

"What did she say when she saw that?"

"She burst out laughing first. Then she saw what the two of us were doing, and despite how hard your mother was pleading for her not to do so, she walked over and punched me straight in the gut. Almost made me regret even thinking of doing anything in the first place...but I got up and shooed your mother and uncle out of the room so that we were alone. That earned me a slap across the face. Now that I think about it, I think she knew what I was doing beforehand...and she got nervous and wanted to stall me on it."

"How do you figure, Uncle Freddie?"

"She just wouldn't stop hitting me and insulting me, even if the insults were nowhere near as malicious as they could have been. And after the slap, she eased up on the force too. But still, she kept at it the entire time...anyways, after everyone was gone, we sat down and watched some of her favorite horror movies...she was always so adorable when she would try to act like none of it scared her when it really did...and after that it was onto dinner."

"I'm guessing you found every and any type of ham, turkey, beef jerky, pork and bacon and threw it all together, right Uncle Freddie?"

He smiled again at how well the boy knew his aunt's tendencies. "Exactly, Andrew. And that's how I got her."

"Huh?"

A small smile graced Freddie's lips as he thought about it. "Me, your dad and Uncle Spence found the biggest ham we could possibly find. It was at least fifteen pounds, and we hollowed it so that I could place the engagement ring there...needless to say, when I placed that sucker down on the table, she stopped everything else and began to tear into it."

"What happened when she finally got to the center and saw the ring?"

Freddie shook his head, a grin gracing his facial features that would've done her proud. "She didn't know what to think. At first she thought she had won a prize or something...but when she saw how elegant and fancy and beautiful it looked, it finally dawned on her. So I got up and walked over to her, took the ring from her hand and got down on one knee...I remember looking into those blue eyes of her, and I said to her...'I'm sorry that this wasn't more planned out...I had a lot more to do but...I figure you'll like the simplicity of this...and besides, you hate big drawn out affairs...but I'm hoping you don't hate this. I've never been more sure of anything in my life, and I probably never will be...we've been through so much together, before we even started dating...I've said it a million times before and I say it again, but you honestly are the best thing to ever happen to me...you're smart, funny, gorgeous, abrasive, honest, violent and just so damn loveable...so with that being said...Samantha Joy Puckett...will you marry me?' "

Silence overcame the two men as Andrew let his uncle's words soak in for a moment. His eyes wide and jaw dropped a bit, he couldn't believe the pure sincerity, honesty and love behind the words he just heard. Finally, he broke the ice and asked the obvious question of, "Did she say yes?"

A tear began to well in Freddie's eye as he answered. "Do you remember how your aunt Sammy always acted tough around everyone else, but when she was with those she was close to and loved, she was herself?", he asked as the boy nodded in response. "When I was done, I saw the tears in her eyes and she didn't bother to wipe them away. Of course, she punched me in the arm...but then she jumped into my arms and refused to let go. She let herself be herself there, and she said yes...it was the best day of my life at that point, second only to when we actually got married."

More tears began to appear in Freddie's eyes, and despite his best effort to not let them fall, they did, and he hung his head low. The memory of the past only made today that much harder for him, but he had to be strong...for Andrew, for Carly and Gibby, for Spencer and Brad, for Melanie, for his mom and Sam's mom...and for himself. He felt Andrew's hand on his shoulder, and the two shared an embrace right as Carly poked her head into the room. A smile graced her lips at the sight of her best friend and her son bonding, but the procedure needed Freddie to continue, so she regretfully had to end it.

"Andrew? Freddie? Are you two alright?", she asked as the two boys broke apart and nodded their collective heads. Andrew then walked back over to his mother and whispered something into her ear, before he disappeared to go to his seat. As Freddie got up and walked over to Carly, she smiled up at him and gave him a warm hug. "Telling Andy another story about you and Sam?"

"Yeah...I told him how I proposed to her. I see so much of everyone in him, Carls...but the most I see is of you and Sam in him...I just figured, you know..."

"I know, Freddie...it's alright. Everyone knows how much you loved Sam...and I know that this is hard for you right now but...you'll be ok. She's always be with us, and you know that. We all miss her...and I know that you'll do her justice when you walk up there."

He nodded and managed a small smile as they released their hold on one another. "I know...I'm gonna go do that...wish me luck, Carly."

"You don't need luck, Freddie. You never did when it came to Sam."

He grinned as he let her go back to her seat and he walked onto the stage, taking a moment to look at the open casket that contained his late wife. Even in death, she still looked gorgeous...she always did. Immediately, he felt the tears welling up, but he held onto his resolve as he stood in front of the podium and looked out at the huge crowd. He saw his friends and family in the front rows, and smiled down at them all. He knew this was going to be hard, but he wanted to do them all proud...

"Hey everybody...I'm not gonna take too much time up here, so I'll keep everything as brief as I can...I know that, at some point in her life...Sam knew you, whether you were her best friend, or you simply went to school or worked with her...and even if you didn't know her all to well, one thing about Sam was known...she was full of life. She always had a smile on her face, whether she was eating a pound of bacon, picking locks or breaking someone's face...it was always done with a smile...and I think that it was that love of life that she had was what made her so endearing to everyone. She was just a great person, such a beautiful soul, and someone you would want to have for a friend..."

Freddie took a moment to compose himself, looking out at the crowd. Spencer, Gibby and Brad were all trying their best to console the female's in the group, but to no avail...and he was slowly losing it too. But at this point, as he continued on with his speech...he didn't care.

"I remember when I first met Sam. Carly introduced me to her...and then she kicked sand in my face. For years after that, we played this game of 'hate'...but anyone with a brain around us knew that deep down, we both truly cared for one another. When we shared our first kiss during our sophmore year, I knew I was in love with her. Call me crazy but it's true. And it wasn't until after our second kiss during our junior year at the school lock-in that I knew she was the one for me...people told me that we wouldn't last...but we did. She was always keeping me on my toes and toughening me up, and I was always giving her a challenge and keeping her focused. When we got married after six years of dating, people said we'd get sick of each other and get a divorce within a year...we didn't. We complemented each other so well...she was the definition of 'soul mate.' And even though she's gone..."

Everyone, by now, was crying, including himself. But he couldn't stop now.

"I will never stop caring for her and loving her...and neither will the people in this church. Sam was the most beautiful person I had ever met, and nothing will take away the memories we shared with each other. You will be forever loved, Sam...and I know that you're watching from above and probably calling us all nubs and over-emotional geeks for getting so worked up...but you're doing it with love. You'll never be forgotten Sam."

With that, everyone stood up and started clapping while Freddie waved and thanked them. Turning around, he knelt down by Sam's casket and looked down at her. "Hey Sam...I hope you're proud of me...do you...do you remember, when we first started dating...you asked me, 'Why?', as in 'Why me?'...and I told you, 'I don't know why...I just know.' This isn't giving up, Sam...this is letting go...with the thought that I'll be seeing you up there soon...you will always be my Princess Puckett. I love you, Sam...forever and always..."

He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, before being helped off the stage by Carly and Spencer, as he had grown weak from giving such a powerful speech. As he walked off, he looked up through one of the stained glass windows and saw a bright ray of light shining down on him...

Smiling, he knew that it was Sam smiling down on him from Heaven. Not because it was an act.

She was being herself.


End file.
